oh bother.

I've been thinking about this for quite some time and I'd like to put it out on the internet just in case I forget about it. I wonder what its like to make all the right choices in life. I'm not sure whether my emotions have gotten a lot more fragile as I grow up, or is it really because of the burden of the real world leading me to make life changing decisions that are inevitable. I still remember it was around March, right after I got my SPM results. Since applying for Uni was all that was on my mind, I ended up feeling so frustrated to the point I broke out in tears. That was the point that I suddenly thought: "Was I this fragile back then? You've been through your worst times a few years back then and you didn't shed much tears. You were able to fight through those 2 horrible years, now you're just trying to make a decision on what to study and you're breaking out tears? Get a grip of yourselves."

I'm pretty sure its the work of my menstrual cycle. Heh.

Right off as school started, I've already been through an obstacle that most of my friends have already predicted before it all even started. Just to put it as they never predicted that it would've happen that soon. Well, I've cried my eyes out and I don't want to take it as a bad memory but a learning experience. I think that it was the best thing for both of us since I couldn't meet up to his standards and he couldn't meet up to mine. But, because I keep taking all of our pasts as a good memory, it was pretty hard for me to hold up my tears even after two months. 

Oh how I wish I would never grow up and stay at high school forever. Not having to worry what to wear the next day, no crazy assignments, teachers are like your friends, joking around with homies, commanding march past all over again, hardly any sleepless nights, and so many more. So much drama in Uni life, hard to get along with course mates (given that I'm the most anti-social person you'll ever see), assignments, unable to voice out your opinions, when you're just not good enough in your studies, I'm getting tanner by the days that I spend on campus, crappy cafeteria food. 

Gah. I sound so pessimistic just by writing this paragraph. 

So to the future me, if by any chance you are reading this, I hope that you are making the right choices so far. As long as you trusted your choice instead of doubted it, but end up regretting it, then its okay. Remember what happened that very day. It was because you doubted your choice thats why you end up being so bitter as you regret.

I hope everything works out well.

-taken in 2010, Melaka-