Thursday, September 25, 2014

tolerance.

So I'm back home for the next few days more. Surprisingly, I had a good night's sleep. I didn't wake up at 2am. I really hope that next week wouldn't be as boring as this week. Gosh. Okay so this morning I woke up and went to the mirror at my living room and just stared at myself. And I somehow suddenly just got into deep thought. Somehow ever since I got into Uni I've been into a lot of deep thoughts. I wondered how my parents actually even coped with all the bullshit I've done for the past 17 years. This being that caused so much trouble to them, hardly ever pleased them with flying colours academic wise, not having any talents and suck at sports (even video games), and yet they still love me. I still can't grasp the concept of this kind of relationship. Like if I were to have a friendship that brings me much sadness or trouble, I seriously wouldn't wanna continue to hang out with them and I'd blame myself for not seeing their true nature. Unless this person is now a different person from what he/she used to be, I'd most definitely try to help, because I know that this person was originally not bad, and still can be helped. Also, I now kind of find myself to see things through much quickly and try to solve it. Must be the drama I've seen throughout these few months of Uni.

Back to the topic. Tolerance. So I noticed/realized the true nature of some of the people I see in Uni. I mean, some can be so obvious to the eye and tell that what kind of personality they have. And yet some are pretty deceptive. Now I'm seeing so many new people with completely unknown personalities that I've seriously yet to encounter in my entire life. One might be as graceful and poised as a ballerina, yet be as poisonous as venom. Come to think of it, in future I'll be dealing with even more of people like this since I am after all going down the business road. I really hope I'll be able to function and tolerate well with new people I'm meeting this semester, as well as the next one.
If my luck were to be bad like rotten apples and I'd be in a different group from Evonne in the next semester, I'll be needing to know more people all over again.

One thing that I still don't quite understand myself is, why are girls just so intolerable? Don't get me wrong, but I do admit that I am quite intolerable as well, but not at the little things that can be forgiven (or maybe at least I think I do). I think that girls should at least look at the situation they're facing and THEN decide on whether to just give up on it or to sort things out. I don't know about guys but I'm pretty sure guys are intolerable in some ways too. Putting all those things aside, until this very day I still don't see how parents can even tolerate with all the bullshit that they're stuck with from the very moment a living creature pops out of a mother's womb. So ever since last year, many of my fav bloggers gave birth to precious baby boys, and this year 2 of my relatives gave birth as well (I'm an old aunty to 2 more nephews *sobs*). So I've heard a lot of stories about the struggles of raising their child. Yeah yeah everyone says that the joy of your life would be your child. BUT. I don't think I would be able to handle all that painful birth, poopy diaper, puke, sleepless night, breaking shit, not-doing-your-homework, being-disrespectful-if-i-dont-bring-up-my-child-properly, being-a-failure-mum shit. I seriously have the fear of giving birth to a child that is just like me. Growing up with no aspirations and suck at everything except eating and getting fat. Oh don't get me wrong. I'm grateful to be in a family like mine. I'm well fed, I get good education and my parents give me the best they can. From what I've seen over the years, I consider myself to be the luckiest out of all my friends. Every time I ask my mum: "Why did you give birth to me mum? Wouldn't you be better off with having no children and you can be happier without worrying my health, academic results and my wellbeing, AND you wouldn't have to spend so much on me for so many years." She'd just say: "Well, I can only have 1 you in the entire world. Isn't that enough?" or something like that.

Well anyway that was basically what went jumbling inside my head for about 10 minutes in front of a mirror in my living room. And I headed off to the bathroom to brush my teeth.


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